Last night I was having an awfully hard time falling asleep. I think it was due to the cup of coffee I had 3 or 4 hours earlier. My body was ready but my mind was not. In it's restlessness my mind trailed off into depressing thoughts.
I was seriously depressed, not suicidal depressed just extremely low self esteem depressed. I was thinking about how bad I am at being social; meeting new people, having conversations with new people, sharing my feelings, never having a girlfriend, etc. All of a sudden I had this visualization of two vehicles at extremely high speeds colliding.
It was horrific. Pieces flying everywhere, twisted metal, enough to even make a stunt driver look away. These two objects which were up til recently unstoppable, were at once halted and reduced to useless rubble on the road.
Then I saw the complete opposite. I don't remember what it was that I envisioned but I would like to imagine it as the prodigal son, as he returned, being embraced by his father.
I came to realize the thoughts which had been clouding my mind had put me on path to collide with the lies of this world. Like the two speeding vehicles I had imagined, this collision was horrific. The world(Satan mainly but through worldly mediums) would have me believe that I am flawed, screwed up, and hopeless. I could see that these thoughts would lead me to destruction and chaos. In the end, following the world's ways, all I would be would be was flawed, screwed up and in the end hopeless.
God desires for us the opposite. Yes, we are flawed and screwed up, but with God we should not lose hope. It was never his intention for us to become useless wrecks on the side of the road. He wants to use us as we are, where we are. Like the prodigal son's return, he wants us to collide, in loving embrace, with him. He wants our thoughts and lives to collide with truth and the hope that he brings through the sacrifice of our sinless Savior Jesus, not the despair and tribulation of the world. And though we may fall, he isn't finished with us yet.
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